Hi all! Happy weekend. I hope that everyone has amazing plans for the weekend. As for me I’m kicking back at home with my three fur balls.
Before I begin I’d like to preface my remarks. What is on my heart is a reflection of my own thoughts and observations about myself. I respect everyone’s rights to their beliefs as long as they harm no one.
Over this past week many thoughts have come to mind regarding myself. It isn’t my “birthday” in terms of birth date but a new understanding of what makes me tick, what I need in terms of fulfillment, etc.
I am a victim of mental illness which topped with being transgender along with the accompanying gender dysphoria presents certain challenges with a non transgender person could never understand. Its akin to me not being able to understand how other marginalized people feel. We can feel empathy but never get it.
This week has been a lesson in patience. I’ve gotten “nice earrings bro”, ” thank you Sir, amongst other comments. I do have to mention that I didn’t take deep umbrage as I’m not the most passable trans girl. I’ve also been dear named this week in a one on one convo that I had Wednesday night. I would have been deeply hurt if this would have been done intentionally and in front of others.
Which brings me to my “birthday”. I’ve realized things about myself that weren’t as clear to me before. This is where things get tricky. In some respects I’m a product of a largely bygone era. Here goes…
I consider myself a quiet, very sensitive and hate me for this if you must…submissive women. I’d prefer to being in a relationship, sexual, friends or romantic where others take the lead. I’ve come to the realization that I’ve been that way as long as I can remember. A slippery slope you may comment. Please let me elucidate.
In no way do I equate submission with being a masochistic doormat. I consider myself to be fairly intelligent and can carry myself well in conversation with whoever. I won’t settle for abuse in any form.
I equate my submission with strength as I know how I feel and I control it. No one can take that away from me. I choose to give myself up.
As always I welcome comments, even opposing discourse.
With the greatest love given,
Christina Reneé ❤️